May. 26th, 2006

fredless: (Glasses shock by mouthfullofdust)
There's bookends to this one.

Or at least, there was, until I really started thinking about the word 'life'. Reading a book, that was one of my chance encounters. Only there wasn't a lot of chance behind it. I was working in a library after all. I pushed around carts of books all day, carried them around in my arms, and wore their scent on my all the way home at night until I showered it away. Right until the next day again. But one day I picked up a book and read it, and everything was different. It didn't matter that my chance was really someone else's plot. And then life got changed all the way to the point that there was a complete lacking of it. So even if that's one of my bookends, it's the shorter one.

Life's not that dark. Not for that long. Then it's just surviving.

So then I guess that leaves the chance encounter that matters, and that really changed things. That'd have to be Angel.

I'd made a mess of things, after all. Creeping out of the one place I counted as almost safe, and in daylight of all things. And talking like that too, when it just lead to trouble. When it came to needing to hear the sound of your own voice, you went deeper in the caves and just yelled and yelled. You didn't actually talk to people. But she was pretty, and not tired, and still strong enough to talk back.

That's Cordy though. All the time I've known her, all of those things.

But it was my mess, and it was about to be messier. There's no way that amount of hemorrhaging could be clean, after all. He wasn't there for me either. And then? All of a sudden he was. He picked me up, and carried me away on his horse, and saved me.

And he was handsome, and not tired, and still strong to talk back.

And maybe because he knew how much it hurt that I hadn't been able to save myself, or that I was just a little bit tired, he let me save him just a little too. Just because the words aren't on walls anymore, it doesn't mean I've forgotten. It was just all part of the change that came after.

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Fred Burkle

May 2015

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