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Close your eyes and think about what you've been missing in your life lately. It could be a person, pet, place, thing, occasion, feeling. Anything at all that you miss dearly.
I miss a lot of things. Maybe I'm overly sentimental, or stubborn, or not inclined at all to let things go. I've always been the worst sort of pack rat, collecting things for the feeling behind them as much as the thing itself. My room -- anywhere really, was always enough of a testament to that. So I guess it makes sense that I've collected all of the missing in my head too, to take up space and rattle around and never be entirely quiet. Because, of course, those sorts of things never are. In fact most of the time they're downright loud. I guess they don't have a care for noise ordinances.
I miss Chinese food. Not the way it tasted, that's just silly. I could go and get some right not and enjoy it and that's really a craving. Not something missed. I miss the way we ordered it. They way anyone could order it. Oh, we all made a point of keeping all the local menus in one of the desk drawers, but we didn't need them. Any of them, because we all already knew.
Lorne. Charles. Cordy. Wesley. Even Angel. All of us at the hotel, we already knew. Who wanted double egg rolls or won ton soup or extra rice. Whoever was closest to the phone could pick up and order for the lot, and the rest? Well, I could sit back and listen. To the ways the words sounded and the warmth that was there, hearing someone knowing you that way. It's nothing really, I know that. But is always left me just as full as the food.
I miss my folks. I know that's obvious, and there, and not creative in the least, but it's true. And that has to count for something. It's in a very grown up sort of way too, if that makes sense. In a way that is possibly one of the most grown up things I have ever done. Leaving home, and then not choosing to go back? We all knew what that meant, and what it might mean more, down the line. Even though you don't want to, little bits get left behind, and let go of. I wanted it all with some very specific single-mindedness. In some senses they knew that before I even did. I'm still in the same place, and of that same mind, but I miss them too. I'm still their girl around them, though. When we're together that's what is there. Their little girl, missing them with a grow-up heart as well as the little one, and I have to get better at letting them know just how much.
I miss the way Texas smelled after a really hard rain. I miss the cracks in my bedroom ceiling, even though I imagined that they were the very map to lead me away from there. I miss the time Daddy and I together won 27 gold fish at the county fair, and he had to buy a 20 gallon tank for me to keep them all in. For gold fish. I miss the hotel, and bad coffee. And now I miss memories I'm still not even sure I have a right too. And then back to the Chinese food, because that's easier. To think, and to understand.
I miss Chinese food.
I miss a lot of things. Maybe I'm overly sentimental, or stubborn, or not inclined at all to let things go. I've always been the worst sort of pack rat, collecting things for the feeling behind them as much as the thing itself. My room -- anywhere really, was always enough of a testament to that. So I guess it makes sense that I've collected all of the missing in my head too, to take up space and rattle around and never be entirely quiet. Because, of course, those sorts of things never are. In fact most of the time they're downright loud. I guess they don't have a care for noise ordinances.
I miss Chinese food. Not the way it tasted, that's just silly. I could go and get some right not and enjoy it and that's really a craving. Not something missed. I miss the way we ordered it. They way anyone could order it. Oh, we all made a point of keeping all the local menus in one of the desk drawers, but we didn't need them. Any of them, because we all already knew.
Lorne. Charles. Cordy. Wesley. Even Angel. All of us at the hotel, we already knew. Who wanted double egg rolls or won ton soup or extra rice. Whoever was closest to the phone could pick up and order for the lot, and the rest? Well, I could sit back and listen. To the ways the words sounded and the warmth that was there, hearing someone knowing you that way. It's nothing really, I know that. But is always left me just as full as the food.
I miss my folks. I know that's obvious, and there, and not creative in the least, but it's true. And that has to count for something. It's in a very grown up sort of way too, if that makes sense. In a way that is possibly one of the most grown up things I have ever done. Leaving home, and then not choosing to go back? We all knew what that meant, and what it might mean more, down the line. Even though you don't want to, little bits get left behind, and let go of. I wanted it all with some very specific single-mindedness. In some senses they knew that before I even did. I'm still in the same place, and of that same mind, but I miss them too. I'm still their girl around them, though. When we're together that's what is there. Their little girl, missing them with a grow-up heart as well as the little one, and I have to get better at letting them know just how much.
I miss the way Texas smelled after a really hard rain. I miss the cracks in my bedroom ceiling, even though I imagined that they were the very map to lead me away from there. I miss the time Daddy and I together won 27 gold fish at the county fair, and he had to buy a 20 gallon tank for me to keep them all in. For gold fish. I miss the hotel, and bad coffee. And now I miss memories I'm still not even sure I have a right too. And then back to the Chinese food, because that's easier. To think, and to understand.
I miss Chinese food.
